Addiction is an equal-opportunity destroyer. It has no respect for anyone. ~ Joe Herzanek
When I started the teenage years with my children, I never imagined it would end with their substance abuse and addiction. One of the things that is deceiving for parents is that if you experimented in high school or college and left it at that – experimentation – you expect that your children will as well.
Some parents may not be surprised if their kids try drinking and maybe even if they smoke marijuana, as they feel this is still within the range of normal teenage behavior. Everyone agrees that harder drugs are dangerous.
Many teens do try drinking and smoking pot and don’t become addicted. Our inner feeling and hope is that this is a temporary situation and it will pass as our children grow and mature.
Yet, this experimentation can become an issue because our kids are taking a risk. We have no way to predict whether our child will later become addicted to alcohol, marijuana or any number of other drugs. I know, as a former parent of a teenager, this is one of the biggest challenges.
In the 2009 DAWN* survey of hospital Emergency Department visits, marijuana was involved in 375,000 emergency room visits, with about two-thirds (65%) of patients being male, and 12 percent between the ages of 12 and 17.
Did you ever experiment with drinking and drugs? I know I did. Many of us tried drinking during our teen years, and many of us have memories of occasionally over doing it. We were not comfortable with how we felt the next day. It just didn’t feel right.
When I graduated from college, married and started working, any experimentation with drugs and drinking to excess had no place in my life. Something inside me gave that clear message, that enough is enough. It is time to grow up and be responsible. I followed that inner voice. Call it maturity or the end of a rite of passage, but it was not difficult. I hardly remember the transition at all.
That is the difference between what alcoholics call “normal” people and people with addictive personalities. When you are an addict, there is no inner voice strong enough to let you know that it is time to stop. Your habit has taken over. You know deep down that your habit is unhealthy, but you have lost all control. That inner voice is never heard, because the drug is the one who is now in control of your brain.
You cannot tell in advance if you will become addicted. It is true that some people are more at risk than others—if you have a family member with drug problems you may be at greater risk since addiction is about 50% genetics. NIDA
Prescription drug abuse is now the latest drug of choice. For your children, this drug may be the easiest of all to find. It is “legal” and can be found right at home in your medicine cabinet. Take a moment to lock up your medications. This is an overall good practice, but especially if you have teens living at home. It is a protection for them.
In 2007, prescription pain medications like Vicodin and OxyContin were involved in more overdose deaths than heroin and cocaine combined. ~ NIDA
Where does that leave our kids? It leaves us all in the situation of understanding that when our kids drink and use drugs, this may be a phase, or it may be the start of their downhill slide into alcoholism or drug addiction that will turn into a battle for their life.
Addiction has taught me many things. Here are ten:
1) Addiction doesn’t discriminate. No one is immune and I am not alone with this disease. I never thought addiction could happen to our family, but it did.
2) I cannot control my child’s or anyone’s addiction.
3) Addiction is a chronic, often relapsing brain disease that goes beyond the addict’s use of drugs.
4) To help yourself and your child, you need to educate yourself about addiction.
5) Let go of expectations. Worry or future tripping has no positive outcome.
6) Addiction disconnects us from ourself, others, our spirituality and our life.
7) Finding a quiet time each day to access your inner thoughts will bring you closer to peace and serenity.
8) Al-Anon gave me the strength to carry on. Parents in this situation need support. We can support each other.
9) Take the time for self care to keep your body and your mind in a healthy state.
10) The stigma of addiction holds us back from getting the help we may need, and from having addiction reach the same level of awareness as other worthy causes such as Breast Cancer or AIDS.
At the end of the day, addiction is the card that I have been dealt. For some reason, it was meant to be part of my life. I’ve needed to accept and understand why this disease affected my family. With every experience there is a lesson and usually a silver lining.
I would not wish this disease on you or any of your family members, but since I’ve already experienced it, I can say with all truthfulness, that although my life will never be the same, it is better for having had the experience. I have met some amazing people because of it, and I hope through my journey, I have become a better person.
By educating yourself on the dangers of substance abuse and addiction, my hope is that your family will be spared this devastating disease.
All we can do is adapt the way we view this condition, not as a crime or a romantic affectation but as a disease that will kill. ~ Russell Brand
What are your thoughts about teens and substance abuse? How can we help our kids stay healthy? I would love to connect with you on twitter and Facebook.
Take care,
Embrace the New Life
- Help yourself when your children become addicted to drugs or alcohol.
- Get back the life you deserve to have.
- Explore and discover what makes you happy.
- Find a life of peace, serenity and joy.
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Definitely affects so many people and many times unexpectedly.
I believe we live our lives on addictions. It’s a matter of making sure those addictions that overtake us they are a good addiction. Recently mine are good whole food, outrigger paddling in the ocean, swimming with dolphins and things along those lines.
Mahalo for putting information out there on this subject.
Hi Jt,
Nice to connect with you! There are definite positive addictions which are a benefit to our lives. They are a way to access our inner self and find that flow when you lose all track of time. Your good addictions sound wonderful and are adding to your healthy lifestyle. It is so important when someone has a negative addiction and finds recovery, that they replace the addiction with something along the lines of what you enjoy. What could better than healthy food, paddling along in the ocean and swimming with the dolphins? That sounds like heaven. Take care.
Hey Cathy,
As a psychologist there is so much I can speak about this topic but the fact remains that theory might differ from real life to quite an extent. Kids today are living in an ever changing environment. They have so much exposure to such a huge amount of information – not all necessarily good. They have a 16 year old kid who becomes a pop star. That might put so much pressure on a teen to look “up to” someone who is the same age. They might find themselves fighting with complexes and might use substance abuse as a medium.
Personally, I have never tried a drink or have smoked drugs. But I have seen friends fall into the habit. It stems from many reasons. One thing that usually works is making kids aware that problems can be discussed and drinking and drugs are not the way to solve them. Making them realize that problems HAVE a solution and running away is not a solution but an escape goes a long way in helping a child.
However, what remains most important is making kids understand the importance well before hand.
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Hi Hajra,
Thanks so much for your input. Kids are overexposed to so much these days. It’s a challenge for parents to keep on top of it all. Open communication in a supportive environment is one of the best ways for teens to express their feelings. Drugs are just a quick fix for problems that can be solved in other, more productive ways. When parents do take the time to fully educate themselves and their children on the dangers of using drugs or alcohol, it goes a long way to protecting their children. I agree with you, education needs to start at a young age, such as 9 or 10 years old.
Hi Cathy,
You are so right — addiction is definitely an equal opportunity disease! And as you said, many of us parents did “successfully” experiment as teens and young adults so it’s easy to assume it’s just a phase. One approach that I am having success with in the work I do with children, teens and parents is raising awareness about the 21st century brain and addiction-related science to help all concerned better understand why the teen brain is not the same as that of an adult’s and therefore why the teen brain is affected differently by drinking. This article, “How Teens Become Alcoholics Before Age 21,” http://tiny.cc/pyesf, helps to explain this relatively new research and why alcohol is harmful to the teen brain in a way it is not necessarily harmful to the adult brain. Sometimes, just talking about this subject from this approach – the science of brain development – can help.
Thanks, Cathy, for all that you do to help change the culture around discussion around all things substance misuse related — it definitely helps to end the stigma and shame that keeps it all so stuck.
Lisa Frederiksen – BreakingTheCycles.com recently posted..A New Can in Town — the 12 Ounce Can of Scotch
Hi Lisa,
Thanks for sharing your link. That will be helpful to many. The teenage brain does react differently to alcohol and drugs and that is an important point to add. It does answer so many questions about why kids become addicted early in life. Genetics plays a part, but one of the main reasons that people become addicts is from early use. If there was a way to keep kids off these harmful substances, everyone’s lives would be so much better. Take care.
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Wow Cathy, what a powerful post. I love, love, LOVE that you’ve been able to come to a point where you’re able to see some value in your experience. It was also a hard way to learn that you don’t have control over your children’s or anyone else’s lives, but then, many of us decide to learn our lessons the hard way.
And yes, self care is most important, especially in such a stressful situation.
Sending you cyber hugs!
Melody
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Hi Melody,
Thanks for your kind words. I absolutely do find value in my experience, and my daughter has recovered, so I am also very grateful. It is so interesting the roads that we are led to in life, isn’t it. I feel as if I was meant to have this experience, and maybe my story can just be a warning call to families raising teens now to protect their children as much as they can from this disease. No matter what our situation, we all need to replenish ourselves. Take care.
Teaching/mentoring people to be & to take responsibility for their lives needs to be accelerated. Commencing this in teen years would be advantageous and get the parents in on this. If they are not onside, then ‘bad habits’ rub off on the children…….we have the same problems here in Aussie land. Thanks Cathy, keep the fight going.
be good to yourself
David
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Hi David,
So true. I’m a big advocate for more alcohol and drug education in the school system from at least middle school (age 11) and up, even as young as 10. I don’t think we can afford to skip this important piece of a child’s education, so they can be equipped with tools to help them cope when they reach the teen years. It is, unfortunately, a world wide problem, but one that we can solve if we all pull together. Take care.
Cathy, how insightful! And you educate your readers (me) with such a calm, heart warming tone that it open me up to better understand. Addiction affects so many people all over the world, all walks of life and to be able to have a clear, compassionate understanding of it is incredible. Your website is a much needed voice in this world!
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Hi Aileen,
Thanks so much for your kind words. I’ll be honest, it is not a topic that everyone wants to talk about, but unfortunately the stigma of addiction is what is holding so many back from getting the help that they need. I want to put a positive spin on the subject as much as I can and appeal to the mainstream. Coming out of the closet is the path to bringing substance abuse and addiction into the limelight which we are in great need of. Take care and have a good weekend!
Hi Cathy,
First I have to say, great choice on the picture.
Second, I commend you for heading this blog and sharing what you’ve learned with others who struggle from this.
I never experimented with drugs or alcohol mostly because of my Mormon upbringing and good group of Mormon friends. The temptation was never there.
Really interesting to read the study.
Bryce
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Hi Bryce,
That is wonderful that you had that kind of support growing up. So many kids connect with each others in middle and high school because they are feeling some kind of need or pain. They are under the impression that they will get a quick fix by using drugs or alcohol. But as we all know, drugs and alcohol use do not fix any problems, they just create them. Thanks and have a good weekend!
Cathy,
Mary Beth and I have four children. The two oldest have their careers now, the third is in college and our youngest is in the 7th grade. Since they were young, we have talked to our kids about the dangers of substance abuse. It’s a topic that’s not taboo in our home. By making it so transparent, I think we have helped our children navigate through some difficult choices. Thanks for sharing your wisdom.
Alex
Hi Alex,
That is wonderful to hear that you were able to discuss openly the dangers of substance abuse. I believe when parents understand what is at stake, their input can really make a difference. The key is open communication. Thanks for dropping by.
Hi Cathy,
Thank you for sharing information on such an important topic. My brother was addicted to drugs for 14 years, from the time of teenage-hood through his twenties. It is a journey like no other. I learned through him that I am not able to ‘fix’ someone, nor to change their path, even if I want to..until that person is ready to receive different, all one may do is offer love and space. When he was ready, he came to live with me for a few months and I helped him withdraw…it was raw, it was messy, it was eye opening and life changing. His journey is partly why I am fully present in fields of healing, fear may redirect steps when we allow it to, and it is my path to offer love and resources to those who would like to receive them.
Hi Joy,
It takes everyone awhile to realize when they are in this situation that they can control the disease and fix it for someone else. As you mentioned, the person needs to be ready for recovery. What a wonderful sister to help your brother in this way. Addiction is not a pretty sight, but there is a person underneath the disease worth saving. Hope you both continue to do well. Thanks for sharing your story.
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