Stagli Vicino

“Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. You wait and watch and work: you don’t give up.”
– Anne Lamott

Stay Close:  A Mother’s Story of Her Son’s Addiction, by Libby Cataldi, is a touching story about Libby’ through her son, Jeff’s addiction to numerous drugs, including heroin.  Jeff begins his experimentation at age 14 and remains addicted until the age of 26 with many trials and devastating experiences.  Libby really expresses the core of what many mothers are feeling.

I believe any person with an addicted family member would find her book inspiring and useful as it follows the family’s various attempts to convince Jeff to enter rehab and remain sober.  This dramatic account of Jeff’s numerous relapses is difficult, at times to read, but it really cuts to the truth of how devastating addiction can be.

“As the Big Book of AA states, ‘This is the most baffling feature of alcoholism as we know it-this utter inability to leave it alone, no matter how great the necessity or the wish.’”

Libby did have an especially challenging journey in that no matter what the family tried,  Jeff could not seem to maintain his sobriety.  Libby, continued through it all to trust, as well as hope, that one day her son would find his way to sobriety.

The title of her book comes from Libby’s meeting with the director of San Patrignano, an alternative program in Italy that requires a three to five year commitment. This was something Jeff was not interested in, but certainly an interesting idea and wonderful to know that a program such as San Patrignano exists.  Libby has written an excellent book about her journey through her son’s addiction  She had the courage to write her story which exposed her family in the most intimate way. The idea of “stagli vicino” or “stay close,” is a valuable one.  It is a great reminder, that as we detach from our children’s addictions, we are not letting them go, rather staying close, as we choose to support our children in ways that will hopefully bring their addictions to a final end.

Patrick MacAfee, Ph.D., wrote the Afterword, with some interesting and important information.  One example being,  ”There is an old adage around the recovery community: ‘the non-addict changes his behavior to meet his goals; the addict changes his goals to meet his behavior.’”

Libby expresses, “Then I think that maybe it’s important to remember so we don’t become complacent and forget.  Addiction isn’t going away, not for Jeff, not for others who are addicted, and not in society.”

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