“Joy is a sustained sense of well-being and internal peace – a connection to what matters.” Oprah
Are you feeling less that joyful this holiday season?
Addiction can do that. It can zap the joy and fun right out of your life.
When we feel stress during the holiday season, it can add one more level to our emotional exhaustion. We realize that our family is not perfect, and may never measure up to our expectations.
The holiday season can be challenging for all of us, but even more so when someone in our family is addicted. If the family member is still in the midst of their addiction, the pain continues to be raw for all concerned.
Our life may feel dysfunctional and chaotic to ourselves or even to others. Remember, anyone who has ever tried to make you feel less than worthy because of the disease of addiction is only coming from their own pain and ignorance. Finding joy may not feel as effortless as those not affected by addiction, but it is possible.
Joy can still be found. We can still enjoy the holidays whether we have addiction in our family or not.
If the addicted person is new to recovery, concern about the upcoming holidays and the pending festivities may be at the forefront of everyone’s thoughts.
If you find yourself feeling the stress of the holiday season and are concerned about your family member, remember that you’re not alone. The holiday season can be one of the most difficult times for those recovering from addiction as well as for family members.
Be aware that recovering addicts need a wide range of support from family and friends.
Sometimes people with addictions feel that they cannot have fun during the holidays, but the reality is that the holidays probably haven’t been fun for them for years. They may have been just a blur or another painful family gathering.
Trying to stay clean and sober when the whole world seems to be celebrating can often affect the addict’s ability to be able to withstand the temptations. This is a concern for the addict, as well as all that are involved.
Here are nine ways to find peace of mind and joy. These nine ways will help you feel more relaxed and peaceful this holiday season rather than anxious and stressed.
- Pull back and breath. Sitting quietly for even five minutes can heal our emotional wounds and bring a feeling of peace to our minds and bodies. Sitting quietly can bring back the calm and help us to feel happier, no matter what is happening around us.
- Keep things simple. When someone is new to recovery, consider family celebrations limited to smaller gatherings, including only those people that are aware and support the addicted person. Large gatherings where alcohol is freely flowing, may be difficult for the addict, and cause unnecessary anxiety.
- Let Go of Expectations. Expectation sets us up for disappointment. Enjoy each moment as it comes and let go of preconceived ideas of your ideal holiday gathering. Appreciate where everyone is in life and look for joy where ever you can find it. Allowing our family members the privilege and opportunity of being themselves is a holiday gift we can all give.
- Show Your Love. Use the holidays as an opportunity to show your love. Addiction often stems from deep seated unhappiness. Rather than allow an addict the opportunity to delve into any unhappy feelings, reinforce your love for them, and each other. This is a good time to remember that the addict is much more than their addiction. They have many gifts to offer such as their talents and strengths. As they progress further into recovery, the true person will again begin to shine through.
- Look for each moment of Joy. Realize that you might not have as much or as long a period of time to enjoy with your addicted or recovering addicted family member. Instead of feeling unhappiness, look for the moments you can enjoy together and appreciate how far the recovered person has come. Take each moment as it comes and feel good about whatever progress has been made.
- Practice Being Calm, Cool and Collected. Smile often. Think happy and pleasurable thoughts. Remember other holiday celebrations where addiction was not an issue and enjoy those memories. Practice living the way you want to live, including your holiday celebration and before you know it, your practice will become reality.
- Accept that You Have All Changed, maybe even for the better. Although none of us would wish addiction on any family, it can a time for growth and change. It may even be a stimulus to look at some family dynamics that are not working. I will be forever grateful for the new people I have met from this experience. It has given me a new purpose and added meaning to my life.
- Let Go of Frustration, Resentment, Anger and Sadness. Sometimes our feelings can get the better of us. Taking time to work through our feelings gives us a chance to forgive, let go of negativity and move on with our lives. When we do, we find there is a room to find happiness and let let joy in.
- Time Eases Everything. This holiday season may be challenging for your and your family, but remember that the pain or anxiety will get better over time. Remind yourself that next year at the holiday season, you may be feeling more positive and joyful. Emotional as well as physical healing takes place over time.
Every family needs to access their particular situation, but it is important that families get together during holidays and try to enjoy the time together regardless of whether addiction is part of the family or not. Through life’s pain and difficulties, there is always something to be grateful for and something to learn.
May the season bring you peace, serenity, happy memories and joy.
I hope that the ways I have listed above are helpful to you. Have you found other ways to joyfully get through the holidays when one of your family member is addicted? Let us know what you think in the comments.
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Staying calm, breathing and letting go is great advice..especially if you find yourself getting frustrated with family member around the holidays. Love the site!
Cincinnati Kid recently posted..Watch Our New Video: Columbus Personal Injury Attorney Gina Piacentino
Hello,
Staying calm, breathing and letting go are important for anyone this holiday season. Being flexible and always having a Plan B ready is important as well. Holidays, when someone is addicted or new to recovery, puts everyone a little on edge. They need family support and understanding, but the rest of the family needs to be considered as well. Hopefully families will make the best choices to make the gathering positive for everyone.
Hi Cathy,
Great points to be aware of. May the Festive season bring you much joy.
be good to yourself
David
David Stevens recently posted..Living Life Today – The Share Principle
Hi David,
I believe when people are prepared, things tend to go a bit better. The holiday season can be wonderful for everyone if plan ahead and remain flexible.
Cathy recently posted..Find Joy This Holiday Season Even When Your Family is Addicted
Thank you for these tips for the holidays. We will visit our grandson right after Christmas and he has relapsed, but he is very excited we are coming. He is feeling low and your post reminds us to show him our love. Thank you for knowing just what our families need during the holidays.
Hi Estelle,
My heart goes out to you. We are understandable frustrated when people relapse, but we all need to remember that this is a disease that we are dealing with and the addiction is talking and still in control of your grandson. Don’t lose hope, many addicts need to relapse a few times before they finally get it and find lasting recovery. Just support him in a positive way.
Cathy recently posted..Find Joy This Holiday Season Even When Your Family is Addicted
Thank you for these great reminders. Another suggestion is to hit the delete (aka avoid the replay) button. We so often view holiday events in frames of what “always” happened when…. If we can visualize that delete button when those thoughts arise, we can keep our thoughts in the present, and as you’ve said so beautifully said, “look for each moment of joy.” Happy Holidays to you, Cathy!! And thank you for all of your wonderful posts.
Lisa Frederiksen – BreakingTheCycles.com recently posted..On Their Way – Targeting Addiction Education, Intervention, Prevention, and Treatment
Great advice, Cathy. Every holiday brings new blessings and new challenges. Sometimes we have to be flexible in our traditions to make room for the zigs and zags of life. What we can always depend on is the awesome gift of forgiveness and appreciation.
rob white recently posted..Tolstoy’s Story of the Three Saints
Hi Rob,
Forgiveness and appreciation are amazing gifts that we can give others as well as ourselves. You are so right, flexibility is the key to having a peaceful serene holiday. As we go through life, we all realize traditions are not engraved in stone and it’s refreshing to do something new and support each other through the season.
Cathy recently posted..Find Joy This Holiday Season Even When Your Family is Addicted
My teenage son is an addict and he’s not in recovery. I found all of the thoughts above on point. I would add another (in my case): I remind myself that I did not teach him these things and his decisions don’t define ME. I have a heart full of love for him, of course, but I get so absorbed in his stuff as a mother, and trying to “solve” it, that I lose myself. I look at the ocean and hills and think, “they were there before this issue and they will be here after it. And so will I.
Hi Maggie
I love your line about the ocean and hills, it’s similar to “This to shall pass.” As a mom, (I can so relate.) we take on our child’s addictions and feel that it is a reflection of our role as a parent. I know I felt this way for a long time. Being divorced at one point in my life, I felt that this was possibly part of the cause, and I would also come up with other reasons why the addiction happened. Of course most of the reasons being my fault. But I’ve met so many intact loving families who have a child who is also suffering from this disease, and I have let go of blaming myself. We did not cause this disease, and my hope is that as time goes on, the stigma lessens so that families can get the help they need.
Cathy recently posted..Find Joy This Holiday Season Even When Your Family is Addicted
Cathy, thank you for this great advice that applies year ’round to all families. I especially enjoy your advice about sitting down and breathing. It’s important to take a few minutes to ourselves to calm life down a bit.
Sometimes we don’t have control over whom we encounter during these holiday family gatherings. Negative Nancy might make a surprise appearance at a family event. I think if you’re stuck in that situation, killing them with kindness is the best solution. What do you think, Cathy?
Best wishes for a joyous holiday season!
Carolyn | The Wonder of Tech recently posted..Poll: Did You Get a Tech Gift?
Hi Carolyn,
How true. There is really no need to ruin a holiday for everyone when you can just be kind and let things go. The angst is not always worth the bad feelings for all concerned. Hope you had a wonderful holiday filled the joy. Looking forward to 2012.