My son called around Thanksgiving time, and once again, I could hear the angst in his voice regarding the holiday. “I’ll just check in with everyone,” he said after I asked him about his plans.  For him, that means traveling from house to house to celebrate with his divorced family.  It makes me sad, because I know this time of the year is not his favorite.  There are many adult children of divorce out there, as they are the first divorce generation, who I’m sure feel the same way.  Maybe when he has a family of his own, it will be more fun for him, but for now, he plows through.

Hopefully we will all survive the holiday season. Whatever holiday your family celebrates, the next big holiday is right around the corner.  It can cause extra stress and tension, not only for young children of divorce, but also affects adult children of divorce in much the same way.  Unfortunately, feelings about your parents divorce is not something that your children will grow out of, it is something that changes their lives forever.

There are holiday tips for parents with small children, but adult children of divorce may feel the pressure as well.  I know I was so entrenched in trying to pull it all off, when my kids were small, it never occurred to me how they would feel about the holidays as adults.  We think it is all going to get better as they get older, but the reality is that the pain of divorce may reach it’s peak for our adult children of divorce when they are in their twenties, and starting relationships of their own.

Our children are reminded of the divorce, as the memories of their childhood come back to them, hopefully not to haunt them, but reminders of what they may have lost out on. They now have the choice on where and who they spend their holidays with.  I, for one, want to be part of that picture.  Grandchildren, hopefully one day will [Read more...]