Ten Things Addiction has Taught Me

Addiction is an equal-opportunity destroyer. It has no respect for anyone.  ~ Joe Herzanek

When I started the teenage years with my children, I never imagined it would end with their substance abuse and addiction. One of the things that is deceiving for parents is that if you experimented in high school or college and left it at that – experimentation – you expect that your children will as well.

Some parents may not be surprised if their kids try drinking and maybe even if they smoke marijuana, as they feel this is still within the range of normal teenage behavior.  Everyone agrees that harder drugs are dangerous.

Many teens do try drinking and smoking pot and don’t become addicted.  Our inner feeling and hope is that this is a temporary situation and it will pass as our children grow and mature.

Yet, this experimentation can become an issue because our kids are taking a risk. We have no way to predict whether our child will later become addicted to alcohol, marijuana or any number of other drugs. I know, as a former parent of a teenager, this is one of the biggest challenges.

In the 2009 DAWN* survey of hospital Emergency Department visits, marijuana was involved in 375,000 emergency room visits, with about two-thirds (65%) of patients being male, and 12 percent between the ages of 12 and 17.

Did you ever experiment with drinking and drugs? I know I did. Many of us tried drinking during our teen years, and many of us have memories of occasionally over doing it. We were not comfortable with how we felt the next day. It just didn’t feel right.

When I graduated from college, married and started working, any experimentation with drugs and drinking to excess had no place in my life. Something inside me gave that clear message, that enough is enough. It is time to grow up and be responsible. I followed that inner voice. Call it maturity or the end of a rite of passage, but it was not difficult. I hardly remember the transition at all.

That is the difference between what alcoholics call “normal” people and people with addictive personalities. When you are an addict, there is no inner voice strong enough to let you know that it is time to stop. Your habit has taken over.  You know deep down that your habit is unhealthy, but you have lost all control.  That inner voice is never heard, because the drug is the one who is now in control of your brain.

You cannot tell in advance if you will become addicted. It is true that some people are more at risk than others—if you have a family member with drug problems you may be at greater risk since addiction is about 50% genetics. NIDA

Prescription drug abuse is now the latest drug of choice. For your children, this drug may be the easiest of all to find. It is “legal” and can be found right at home in your medicine cabinet. Take a moment to lock up your medications. This is an overall good practice, but especially if you have teens living at home. It is a protection for them.

In 2007, prescription pain medications like Vicodin and OxyContin were involved in more overdose deaths than heroin and cocaine combined. ~ NIDA 

Where does that leave our kids? It leaves us all in the situation of understanding that when our kids drink and use drugs, this may be a phase, or it may be the start of their downhill slide into alcoholism or drug addiction that will turn into a battle for their life. 

Addiction has taught me many things. Here are ten:

1)  Addiction doesn’t discriminate. No one is immune and I am not alone with this disease. I never thought addiction could happen to  our family, but it did.

2) I cannot control my child’s or anyone’s addiction.

3) Addiction is a chronic, often relapsing brain disease that goes beyond the addict’s use of drugs.

4) To help yourself and your child, you need to educate yourself about addiction.

5) Let go of expectations. Worry or future tripping has no positive outcome.

6)  Addiction disconnects us from ourself, others, our spirituality and our life.

7) Finding a quiet time each day to access your inner thoughts will bring you closer to peace and serenity.

8) Al-Anon gave me the strength to carry on. Parents in this situation need support. We can support each other.

9) Take the time for self care to keep your body and your mind in a healthy state.

10) The stigma of addiction holds us back from getting the help we may need, and from having addiction reach the same level of awareness as other worthy causes such as Breast Cancer or AIDS.

At the end of the day, addiction is the card that I have been dealt. For some reason, it was meant to be part of my life. I’ve needed to accept and understand why this disease affected my family. With every experience there is a lesson and usually a silver lining.

I would not wish this disease on you or any of your family members, but since I’ve already experienced it, I can say with all truthfulness, that although my life will never be the same, it is better for having had the experience. I have met some amazing people because of it, and I hope through my journey, I have become a better person.

By educating yourself on the dangers of substance abuse and addiction, my hope is that your family will be spared this devastating disease.

All we can do is adapt the way we view this condition, not as a crime or a romantic affectation but as a disease that will kill.  ~ Russell Brand

What are your thoughts about teens and substance abuse? How can we help our kids stay healthy?  I would love to connect with you on twitter and Facebook.  

Take care,


Zen Mama: Letting Go Leads to Happiness

I’d like to introduce you to Betsy Henry, author, friend and fellow blogger.

1.Please introduce yourself to the readers.

I am Betsy Henry, author of How To Be A Zen Mama, Zen Mama’s Book of Quotes and The Zen Mama’s Blog I’m a preschool teacher during the day and write as my alter ego at the Zen Mama’s Blog at night.  I’m very happily married to John, the Zen Papa, who is a big part of my work as many of the posts I write began as a conversation first. 

I am a mother to three boys who are now 21, 18 and 14.  It has been a fun, crazy, adventurous learning experience being a mother. 

Betsy Henry

2.  Tell us about HOW TO BE A ZEN MAMA?  Why were you motivated to write this book?

My husband and I had just finished a challenging year with two of our three children; grades had fallen and limits were being tested. The teenage years are not easy, as anyone with even one teenage child will tell you. Being a positive and optimistic person, I tried to find the lessons in all of our experiences and understand where we had made mistakes.

I couldn’t continue to be the angry person I’d become over the summer and the new school year. I was a frantic, nagging mother worried about my kids in this modern world with text messaging and Facebook and our demanding culture that wants them to be volunteers, super athletes and ivy league students.

Yet, at my job as a preschool teacher, I felt more Zen-like, giving out pearls of wisdom to those overly concerned parents of my 3-5 year old kids. I decided at that point that I had my own life to live and needed to let my children live their lives. If I let go, maybe we’d all be happier. I decided to combine the two ideas: the frantic mother and the Zen like teacher, and become one, become a “Zen Mama”.

The book flowed once I got started.  I was up a lot at night worrying so I opened up 13 word processing files for chapters on my computer.  Each night I was up, I would write advice to myself in one or more of the chapters.  It’s meant to be a short book and easy to read.  Even the busiest mother/parent has time to read it.

3.Tell us about your book Zen Mama’s Book of Quotes. Why did you write it?

I’ve always loved quotes.  My first quote book was given to me by my aunt in 5th grade.  I find quotes to be like poetry.

Reading a positive quote can change my whole day.  Over the last few years I’ve been collecting quotes on my computer for other possible books, my blog posts and the daily quote I put on my facebook page.  I was asked by some family members for the quotes and I suddenly realized there was enough for a book.

I loved putting this together in 5 categories Letting Go, Practicing, Discovering Yourself, Embracing Life and Following Your Path.  I added some of my photography and voila, the book was born.

4.What is the focus of your website Zen Mama and why did you start it? How can becoming a zen mama help parents who are struggling with their teens?

My focus is to help parents to stop worrying, let go and get closer to your kids. How do you become closer to your kids? When you’re not worrying that their life is a mess, you stop criticizing and being mad at them. Slowly they feel that you’re trusting them more and they open up and want to be around you.

Teens are often rebels, looking for a reaction and sometimes negative attention.  Some parts of being a Zen Mama mean talking in a more positive way, accepting them for who they are and trying to enjoy their interests.  I really recommend humor.

In the book and on my website I write about ideas on how to do this.  We are having a much easier time with 3rd child as a teenager because we incorporated all the Zen Mama principles into our life.

Does being a Zen Mama mean that I’ve let go of our responsibilities as parents?  That anything goes?  No, that is the misconception sometimes.  It mainly means that I’ve changed myself and my reactions to just about everything.

5. What do you enjoy doing in your free time?

I have so many interests… reading, watching movies, hiking, cooking, walking, and gardening.  Having a great conversation over coffee or a glass of wine is also one of my favorite things to do. I’m in middle of writing two Zen Mama books, plus I’m working on a children’s book with the rest of the family.   I am never bored!!

How do you think letting go would improve your life?  Do you love quotes? Please leave your favorite quote in comments. I would love to connect with you on twitter and Facebook.